The Spouse Character Assassination Game

Have you ever been at a social gathering where the Spouse Character Assassination Game (or SCAG for short) is played? It is without a doubt one of the most vicious, nasty ways of relating to one's spouse that was ever conceived. You may be at a loss to know what is described here. However, once you understand how this vindictive, passive- aggressive game is played, you will be able to spot it as soon as it rears its angry head.

It should be noted that there are two types of SCAG: sarcastic humor and malicious attack. To play either variety of this game you need a married couple who have been married a few years, and have ably mastered the art of a dysfunctional marriage. Next, you need an audience to play. A family get together, a social event, sometimes even a Bible study at church or any other setting where a number of people will be in attendance. Now to play the game effectively, one of the mates is the aggressor who will make the uncalled for jokes. The other mate is the victim. On rare occasions where SCAG is performed both mates are both adept at dishing out zingers.

Here are some of the basic ground rules. When a good number of people are within earshot, the salvos begin. (You don't want to waste all that "good humor" without an audience.) The purpose is to create n impression that the comments made are in "jest". Further, to add to the "light-heartedness" it helps if the aggressor has a smirk, smile or lightly laughing so everyone know it should not be taken too seriously. [Note: it is probably advisable to avoid belly laughs as they may take away from the humor of the moment.] For example, a wife who is skilled in playing SCAG might say of her husband, "George, asked me the other day if he could help me with something around the house. It took awhile to answer him because the shock caused me to faint." Or a husband might recall, "The other night some firemen knocked on my door inquiring about the location of the fire. I told them sheepishly that my wife was trying out a new recipe." You get the idea.

There is a more sinister version of this game. It is played when a person has a genuine complaint with his spouse. Yet, to get extra mileage on the legitmacy of the concern, the aggressor loudly berates his/her spouse for their stupidity while the audience watches this embarrassing debacle.
Humor is not even broached. Rather, this is a public declaration and vindication for all to witness that the spouse in question is truly incompetent.

The thing that troubles me is this. Regardless of who has played the Spouse Character Assassination game whether to "playfully" present one's mate as a buffoon or to directly and maliciously attack a mate's personhood, there is a huge problem when one tries to justify either one. Paul's admonition regarding love diametrically opposes this type of childish and polarizing behavior. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (1Cor. 13:4-7, NIV).