Friday, July 17, 2009

Parenting: A Level Playing Field

In the book The Rules of Parenting by Richard Templar one of his rules sticks out like a strobe light. Templar suggests that parents should never compare one child with another. The results are disastrous. What happens from this lopsided parenting leads children to assume that one is inferior to another sibling. One of the worst things a parent may say to their child is, "Why can't you be more like your brother (or sister)". Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, ineffective parenting has been around for ages. One of the earliest examples was offered by none other than Isaac and Rebekah. Now here is the kicker: Isaac was a godly man, but was clueless insofar as child rearing was concerned. Genesis 27 points out that their two sons, Esau and Jacob, were very different. Esau liked the hunting, outdoors and would probably have loved sports like kick boxing. Jacob, by contrast, had a quite nature, and tended to stick around the house. Jacob seemed more at home trying out a new recipe or viewing one of the latest cooking show. Verse 28 says it all, "Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob" (NIV). The boys grew up with a mutual dislike for each other. Years later as adults Esau and Jacob finally reconciled. (See Genesis 33.) Here's some things to do.

Celebrate each child's uniqueness. One of the things we have tried to do in our own home is to drill into our kids how God had uniquely gifted them. A way that helped seal the distinctiveness into the fiber of their being was by their names. Each of our children has a name with meaning. (If you are an expectant parent, you may want to avoid some names like Lo Ruhamah which in Hebrew means "not loved".)

On those rare occasions, OK, sometimes frequent episodes, when your child(ren) drive you up a wall, be careful what you say. Saying something stupid in the heat of a moment can start a firestorm of hurt that may take years to put out.

The real clincher in parenting that makes or breaks it is to make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. Our children need to see parents united. Also, when couples agree on parenting it tends to endear each partner to the other. When a child is giving one mate a hard time, stepping in and watching your mate's back is invaluable for parenting and marital security.

What do you think?

No comments:

Post a Comment