As time would have it, the lady eventually became my beloved wife, Audrey. This past June 9th we celebrated 30 years wed accented with four wonderful children and one terrific granddaughter, so far, to show for our bliss. Needless to say, I reflect back on those days of meeting Audrey as a special and life changing event.
One of the things I often encourage married couples who come for counseling to do is to reflect upon the time when they were first going together. Unless a couple is masochistic and want to be utterly miserable, that usually evokes splendid memories for them. Thinking of the anticipation of being with this exceptional person, finding it challenging to concentrate on anything else, and a myriad of other superficial concerns occupy those venturing into this arena. Great memories!
Sadly, though, a number of couples lose what some might call "the spark" somewhere after saying "I do". What happens is a drifting away from each other. Frankly this is reflected when a number of couples refer to this or that person as their best friend other than one's mate. A shift has occurred allowing other relationships to curtail what should be the best human friendship. That is why I would be remiss to not declare my best friend on the face of this earth is Audrey. Hands down. I enjoy doing things with her even watching an occasional "chic flic" movie. (Not all the time, though.) This reminds me of a couple in the Scriptures, Isaac and Rebekah, who initially were very much in love. (See Genesis 24:62-67). Over a period of time, however, things changed.
Through the years Isaac and Rebekah allowed something tragic to happen to them. They began to favor one son over another. (See the blog, "Parenting: A Level Playing Field", July 17th.) Anytime parental bias is evident, the reason often stems from a couple developing issues in how they relate to each other.
My hope is for everyone I encounter to be married to as wonderful a person as Audrey is.
But for now, thinking back to the time when you met your mate, and the days following when you were going together. If your marriage indicates things are rather bumpy and you and your spouse are no longer close, it may be time for getting some help.
Final thought: the only time it is too late for counseling is when a person is no longer breathing.
Just wanted to comment on this Blog Bill, felt really good to hear a positive confession for ones mate after 30 years, makes my heart sing. I feel the same way after 59 years and am happy for each day that the Lord gives us together to share our lives.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend up north whose husband had a running affair for 8 years before getting caught by his wife. We were at pray in the church we were attending when she told me about her husband and asked me what I thought she should do, which of course stopped me cold. I prayed for the Lord's wisdom and then told her that she had two options - the first to divorce him and suffer the consequences, the second to go for counselling and try to salvage the marriage for the sake of the children, since once you open the door to divorce, it becomes very easy for the married kids to decide that's the way to handle life, if something goes wrong. She took the latter advice, got counselling and told me they had decided to work things out. They moved to the next town and had been married 20 more years, going on missionary trips overseas etc. He passed away the end of June 2009. Can marriages be saved? YES!
Thank you for your insight and the rich legacy you have left for your family. Imagine 59 years! The counsel you gave succinctly declared the options that person had: give up or stand for the marriage. Making a decsion to stand is one of the toughest, but in the lone run well worth the effort. Thank you for beliving in God's covenant of marriage.
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