Lewis Smedes wrote Forgive or Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve. In this classic work Smedes walks the reader through the journey of forgiveness. Even in the best of marriages, forgiveness must be a bedrock principle. But what exactly is forgiveness?
According to Smedes, forgiveness has four components. First, when our mate wrongs us we enter into a crisis stage. Here we may experience shock as well as hurt at the audacity that our wife has hurt us so grievously. Then, comes the hate phase. This is when we develop strategy for righteous indignation. Most definitely we are dealing with the sense of being violated by our husband, retaliation plans are imminent. Next, we begin to see our mate in different light. The memory of pain is being healed. Finally, is the stage of reconciliation where we invite our mates back into our lives. For some, that may not be so much an invitation that encompasses physical distance, but rather a distance of two hearts moving together.
Smedes says , "Forgiving is love's revolution against life's unfairness. When we forgive, we ignore the normal laws that strap us to the natural law of getting even and, by the alchemy of love, from our own sinful pasts." Forgiveness breaks the downward spiral of retaliation, and puts to rest the junk from our past.
The Apostle Paul put it this way,"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Eph. 4:31-5:2, NIV).
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